My wife has been ill and I?m concerned about how to help her since she has become so moody. One problem she has is that she can?t surf and I?m sure that her ups and downs come from her exhaustion from the treatments. I also understand that her symptoms are uncomfortable. But if she doesn?t let me help her, I feel even worse. What can I do when she won?t ask me for anything?
?Sincerely yours,
Davey, Summerland, CA
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Dear Davey,
Helping someone who is ill depends on our ability to provide the kind of support they need no matter what they?re going through. Some people want to talk about it; some refuse to. Some give loved ones a giant to do list, some just disconnect. This depends, as does every behavior, on how they are ?wired? and on their needs. If you remember that this time it must be all about your wife, and that you are the support system, then it will be easier for you to be there without getting triggered, disappointed, and angry. When your wife has a specific request, if you have remained calm and open, she will let you know.
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Sincerely yours,
Susan
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Dear Susan,
Every few years my husband insists that we lease a new car even though there are benefits to buying and to leasing. I haven?t been able to convince him about this ? or about anything important to me! How can I get him to respect my opinions??
Sincerely yours,
Robin, Santa Barbara, CA
?
Dear Robin,
When couples have a disagreement about a major issue whether finances, child care, real estate and investments, or health strategies the common denominator may not be what you think. The ability to motivate your partner is the key to everything so that the solutions work for both of you. Many couples stay together for decades without the ability to generate real, effective compromise and then when a crisis arises, even a small disagreement can become fuel for war. In this case you need to motivate your husband to understand that it?s not just about the car; it?s about taking the time to sit and discuss a decision with you so that you are both in agreement. Your part is to research the facts and the figures in any financial option so that you can discuss them and remain calm when your husband asks questions. Once you have mastered this ability to express your preferences in a clear and concise manner ? you can find many options for a new car and a new life!
Sincerely yours,
Susan
?www.ustream.tv/channel/evolution-revolution1 1st Tuesday show 3-4 p.m. Channel 17 Tuesday 8 ? 9 a.m., Fri. 6-7 p.m. and Monday 1-2 a.m, www.ustream.tv/channel/compassionate-connection?2nd? and 4th Tuesdays 8-9 p.m Gathering in Santa Barbara, check for details. Susan Allan is a leading relationship expert and creator of The Heartspace System? available through The Marriage Forum, and offers Love, Marriage and Divorce coaching and mediation. For answers to your questions and for a one-hour free, private telephone coaching session, contact? susan@susanallan.org? Please visit us at www.susanallan.org
Source: http://sbfamilylife.com/?p=1596
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